


wworthless fuckid air-breathid apparatus

by prurientInterests (amberite)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Allergies, Alternate Universe - No Sgrub Session, Embarrassment, Fluff, Humiliation, Hurt/Comfort, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Pale-Black Vacillation, Sickfic, Sneezing, ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-11
Updated: 2013-09-11
Packaged: 2017-12-26 07:11:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/963075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amberite/pseuds/prurientInterests
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eridan has problems inappropriate to his caste: what else is new.</p><p>(Kanaya/Eridan, slightly vicious moirallegiance; allergy sneezing fic. Just in case I haven't QUITE run the 'making things worse to make them better' trope into the ground yet. Another experiment in omni third-person present tense. Also an experiment in tormenting Eridan.)</p><p> </p><p>  <em>They're all helping Kanaya move hive. Her lusus just passed away, not unexpectedly, and she's taking up a locale with fewer zombies. Moving at night, of course, for obvious reasons, so she's looking a little raggedy from how long she's been up. They've gotten the first load or so into the ATV and starting to carry stray items up when Eridan makes a weird little croaky noise like "hrkth" and everyone turns around to look at him.</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	wworthless fuckid air-breathid apparatus

They're all helping Kanaya move hive. Her lusus just passed away, not unexpectedly, and she's taking up a locale with fewer zombies. Moving at night, of course, for obvious reasons, so she's looking a little raggedy from how long she's been up. They've gotten the first load or so into the ATV and starting to carry stray items up when Eridan makes a weird little croaky noise like "hrkth" and everyone turns around to look at him.

"Eridan," Kanaya says sharply, "What's wrong?"

"Nothin'," he says, but doesn't look up, standing still.

Nobody resumes the conversation, so he tries again. "I said I'm fine, why are you all starin at me -" And he makes the weird croaky noise again and his face scrunches up, and now everyone is _definitely_ staring at him, if they weren't before. And he goes on like nothing happened. "I dunno what your big deal is. I said everythin's fi-" And this time he makes a shrill cut-off squeak.

And then he sort of explodes. Drops the potted plant he's holding, which splinters into shards at his feet, and flails his arm up toward his face. He doesn't quite make it before roaring out "HRRRRRCH!" but then manages to bury his face in his jacket sleeve for the next series of almost silent, forceful spasms.

Kanaya is looking at Eridan now downright warily. "You didn't. You know. Go near the zombies."

"Of course I didn't Kan what do you take me for -" he says in a hurry, and ends up punctuating the sentence with a muffled, "Kgggzzz!" He blinks watery eyes up at her and rubs them with his fist, breathes out slowly and tries talking again. "I'm not stuh-hh-hhh-HRRRRCH! Ktch, ktch, ktch, ktch, ktch, ktch, RRrrch!"

Sollux is looking at him with a 'what even the fuck' expression and mutters something under his breath about ' _terminal brain-brawn systems conflict_ '. Karkat is backing away slowly, pale, eyes wide.

"I can try to decontaminate you as painlessly as possible," Kanaya says.

"I'm just sneezin'," Eridan says. It comes out _sdeezid_ and he blushes faintly purple, eyes downcast.

"Yes, that's one reaction people have to the spores -" She frowns. "But that's usually immediate, and you've been with me this last hour."

"I told you I didn't go near them!" Eridan gets the whole sentence out this time before screwing up his face into a an awkward scowl and making another little strangled noise that's not quite a sneeze. "Nnnk! I'b fide!"

"You're on the verge of sneezing your over-gelled head off your shoulders," Karkat says. "Are you allergic to your hair product or -" If anything, Eridan looks more bashful than before and his face is beginning to turn a ridiculous shade of violet. "Wait. What. You ARE allergic to your hair product? I can't fucking believe -"

"No!" Eridan says in protest, and then mumbles something so quietly and run together that it's impossible to make out.

"What in the hells did you even just say?" Karkat prompts.

"Dot by hair product." Eridan is still mumbling, just barely loud enough to make out what he's saying, and looking at his feet. Looking at the broken potted plant at his feet and he mumbles something else incomprehensibly, but Kanaya, leaning intently toward him, manages to pick it up.

"...You're allergic to plants and flowers," she says. "And you didn't feel it would be a good idea to say this beforehand? Beg off from the exercise?"

Sollux starts _laughing_ loudly and nasally and Eridan says, "Shut up!" His nose is running and he gives a wet sniff and rubs at it with the heel of his hand. Apparently some of the offensive plant matter is on that hand, because when he tries to start talking again it comes out "You dod't under - hhh... hhh.... ackpthhh!" before he manages to contain the rest of the sneezing fit, stifling _ktch! hhtch! hhtch!_ into the shoulder of his cape.

"Oh, I think I underthtand the hemothpectrum well enough," Sollux says. Karkat looks like he's been slapped and Sollux immediately gets this chagrined expression at the collateral damage, but keeps going. "You of all people. Ironic much."

"That's dot fuckid fair, Sol, I - hhnnnktch! - gave up od killin landwellers a whole sweep ago -" Allergies are normally a lowblood thing, as it happens, and Eridan is probably not going to live this down anytime soon. His chest shakes hard like he's hiccuping and his cheeks puff out but he doesn't let the sneeze through. "It's the air-breathid end a the system that's fucked up adyway," he says, and half-sneezes again.

"Just fucking sneeze," Kanaya says, and presents him with an immaculate handkerchief in her color.

"No, Kan, it's okay, I think I'm done." It sounds like 'I thick I'b dud'. "There, see." He breathes in and out shallowly, shakily. "I don't think I'm gon' - aptchoo!" Unprepared and having refused the handkerchief, he ends up sneezing on her. She grimaces and moves in, manages to catch his next sneeze in the neatly stitched cloth. "Kan what are you doin," he says, muffled behind the handkerchief. And then makes more strangled noises.

"Let it out," she says. "That's what a handkerchief is for."

"But I thought you did't wadt - knnnnch! - to put on pale displays id front a every -"

"Shut up and stop doing that," Kanaya says. "It doesn't make you look like you're not sneezing, it just makes you look like an idiot."

Eridan Ampora is not very good at stopping doing prideful things. "I said I'b dud," he says and blinks rapidly, and it's obvious he's still trying not to sneeze. She's leading him away from the broken pot and, almost as an afterthought, deliberately kicks the pile of dirt and debris where it fell, sending a cloud of dust and plant matter up into his face.

"WWAAAACHOO! Why did you - CHOO! ugh - you're supposed to HELP!" he chokes out between sneezes. He staggers and bends over at the waist, sneezing again and again, too forceful to stifle.

"Did I want to deal with you pretending you weren't having a sneezing fit for the next however long?" Kanaya says. "No, I did not. So I helped."

"HRRRRRRCHOO! I dod't thigk. Kadaya. Ahhh. I dod't thigk that's how you're supposed to do it. HRRRRCH!" His eyes are streaming and he's still sneezing hard every so often, though it's starting to slow down. At some point she's handed him the handkerchief and he's grudgingly taken to using it. Sollux is off in a corner making up to Karkat, or arguing with him: it's hard to ever tell the difference. Eridan muffles another massive sneeze into the fabric, and scrubs at his eyes.

"I'll be sure to call the Eridan Ampora Moirallegiance Advice Hotline next time I think I'm not doing it right," Kanaya says archly. "Now blow your nose."


End file.
